How not to change a diaper

1. Quickly take off the child’s diaper while they are standing.  Do not bother to check if there is anything other than urine in the diaper.
2. Make a gutteral ‘OH’ sound when realizing there is a ‘prize’ in the diaper.
3. Do not not put the diaper back on and lay the child down.  Instead let him stand there while you start to grab a wipe.
4. Change your mind and grab toilet paper instead even though it is several steps farther away.  Watch child follow you and pray things stick for a minute.
5. While wiping the tush of the standing squirming child knock a bit of the ‘prize’ on the floor.  Quickly try to clean the floor while keeping child’s feet out of it.
6. Lay child down on the rug you just washed a few hours before.  Realize his tush was not completely clean.  Clean tush and rug.   Repeat process.
7. Run the diaper, wipes, and rags to the washing machine.  Don’t bother to put another diaper on child.  Discover you took too long to get diaper on.  Use your foot to make this discovery.
8. Clean foot and carpet.
9. Get distracted by starting load of dipes and rags and don’t put diaper on child.
10. Watch as child finds a sibling’s toy spoon and tries to pee on it.  Laugh to yourself and think about boys and their parts.
11. Stop laughing when child successfully pees on spoon and floor.
12. Clean floor and spoon.  Think harder about toilet training.
13. Finally get diaper on child.
14. Wonder what part of your brain is fried since you have changed a minimum of 5 diapers per day for almost 4 1/2 years and ought know better.  Know that the chances of this happening again in the future are pretty high.
15. Start composing blog post in your head.
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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jen
    Jun 29, 2012 @ 21:29:56

    It’s a mom’s rendition of Lura Numeroff’s If you give a moose a muffin!

    Reply

  2. Bethany
    Jun 29, 2012 @ 22:07:30

    I love it! That is, reading it – NOT living it! 🙂 I’ve done the stand up diaper change when handing off to hubby in the shower, only to find out that I should have checked before also. I love Nemeroff’s books too! It would be funny if you changed it to work.

    Reply

  3. wordsfromchel
    Jul 01, 2012 @ 10:25:29

    Thanks!! It would be fun to have another picture type book for grown ups. I love those.

    Reply

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