Who would’ve thunk it?

I officially became a mom almost eight years ago.  Prior to that I had spent a lot of time with kids.  And a lot of time with kids’ parents.  And a lot of time in kids’ homes.  Yet despite this exposure there are things that surprise me.  All. The. Time.  One of the types of things that surprises me fall into the “I never would have imagined this coming out of my mouth” category.  Here are a few examples:

We don’t ride on the kitties.

Kitties don’t wear necklaces.

Yogurt goes in the bowl.

Don’t sit on the dishwasher.

Don’t put lettuce on the Lincoln log.

Don’t use chalk on the suitcase.

Sure, you can put ketchup on your rice.

Don’t draw on your brother/sister.

If you don’t go potty we’re not going to read books.  (um…what did I just say?)

Don’t put pans on the kitties.  (the poor kitties.)

K puts napkins on the table on even days.  S puts napkins on the table on odd days.

Spit in the sink, not on the floor.

Don’t pee in the toy box.  Ever.

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Could you add anything to the list??

(if you would, please post your never-would-have-thunk-its here instead of on FB so they can all be read together.  Thanks!)

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7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Kathy Bergquist Boes
    Dec 06, 2012 @ 21:16:37

    Wearing one pair of underwear for a week at a time is not an option! They MUST be changed everyday. There will be no negotiations.

    Reply

  2. Patti Harris
    Dec 06, 2012 @ 21:57:01

    “Don’t use your brother as a weapon! “

    Reply

  3. Jen
    Dec 07, 2012 @ 10:15:26

    Oh, yes. I’ve recorded these on my own Facebook page:
    The cat is not a tissue.
    I am not a jungle gym.
    Don’t chew on the couch, please.
    Stop sitting on your head and use your butt instead.
    I do not want to see your legs up in the air again, especially in a skirt.
    Stop whipping your siblings with your hair.
    No, you may NOT sleep in your sister’s closet.
    Please stop making random concoctions with the spices and baking supplies in my cupboard. Cinnamon, vinegar and baking soda do not, will not, ever, make chocolate when combined.
    The van is not your closet.
    Stop licking the window.
    Can you ask me that again, this time without your body convulsing like you are having a seizure?
    Don’t bite my dining chair.
    No, you may not drive when you turn 10.
    Bandaids do not get rid of zits.
    Toilet paper is not an all-purpose bandage or medication. No matter how much of it you wrap around every bump, bruise, spot, etc… it will not fix it.
    PLEASE stop sucking on the cat.
    Please ask your friend to stop watching our TV through the window.
    Don’t eat the sidewalk chalk.
    Rub your own ear.
    Aim for the toilet, not the wall.
    You may not wear a bikini as underwear.
    Stop eating the dirt.
    Get your hair out of your food.
    Thanks for the offer, but $35 will not get us to Disney.
    Don’t suck on the salt shaker!
    And my favorite one-timer: Who put water in the vacuum?

    Reply

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